God as we know Him is ever changing so we should expect nothing less than our life to be the same. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. His love is constant but we never reach a level of understanding in which there is no where to go. Father is constantly revealing pieces of Himself to us and therefore our picture of Him is frequently morphing into something new.
This is something I have struggled with. For sometime, I was frustrated that I wasn't close enough to Him to be satisfied with what I knew. I would see others who seemed to be closer to the Lord and think they had it all figured out. They heard from Father, they knew everything about Him, and He was on a whole other level with them - so Satan said to me. Now, I rejoice in knowing that everyday is another opportunity to grow in the Lord, to discover His truth and to act in obedience. I've come to realize that being in the center of His will is all that matters. We aren't supposed to reach satisfaction in our relationship with Him because if we did, there would be no where to go but down.
Two years ago the Lord impressed upon my heart that our lives are to be led daily on mission for Him and that we are all called to do our part in the Great Commission (Matt 28:16-20). Since that time, I have been in a perpetual circle of attacks. (side note: If that's where you are, check out The Invisible War by Chip Ingram). I have experienced a season of anger, addiction, pride and judgment towards others. With each temptation and area of sin, Father brought forth a profound movement of repentance and understanding of His Word. Thankfully, Father doesn't give us more than we can handle and I have grown, to a new incredible depth, in love with my Savior (James 1:12).
I'm counting it ALL joy (James 1:2-5) as I leave for Peru in 6 days. My journey has already been so incredible as The Father has been preparing my heart for the Peruvians and unity with my team. He has drawn me into His arms and joined me in an intimacy that I could never fathom. Father has shown me a lesson in letting go and letting Him take complete control. The other day, my son gave me a big hug and I said, "I love you SO much!" He turned to me and said, "But Momma, you got to love God just a little bit more, ok?" That is so true. Until we remove the walls and surrender to loving God more than anything, we only hurt ourselves and prevent Him from using us in the ways He intended.
Awesome God,
I love you! Thank you for being merciful, patient and loving! Let me not take for granted what You are capable of. Help me to find a balance in loving You and fearing You. God, remove my fear of life and inhibitions and bring upon me a boldness to proclaim Your goodness. Take away any reservations or distractions and replace them with a desire to serve only You. Let these days be long as I enjoy my family before the trip. Bless our time with one another and help us stay focused on Your calling. Let us not get hung up on our selfish desires but help us to grow in each other and in you as I prepare to leave. Continue to remind us that this is Your will and that we are to be obedient even to death for Your glory. I am happily Yours. Humble me, comfort me, continue to change me. Amen.
