7: Day Four

On the way home from LifeGroup Monday night Josh and I were talking about all the things we would love to eat.  He asked for a "mulligan".  I told him he was only allowed one for the month...well, maybe three (said jokingly).  We laughed and went home to apples and peanut butter.  Confession:  I had watermelon this afternoon.  It tasted like Heaven.  It was just a swerve off the road and we are still maintaining the course!  True Fact: This is not about the food.  Yes, we are fasting but fasting is never about the food.

I don't think we realize all the things we think about in one day that have no significance at all.  Narrowing food choices down to ten has forced us to get creative with meals but it also takes the guess work out of, "What am I going to eat?" and it frees up more brain space to meditate on things that matter.  In Jen Hatmaker's book 7 she writes on Day 1 of her journey about her spiritual waters being stagnant and says, "Perhaps this is the philosophy behind the biblical fasts of three days, seven days, and forty days in the Word.  Maybe we need more than one day to push through the inauguration onto the business of communion."  AMEN!

The last few days I've spent more time going in depth with my children about God's Word and prayer.  This is partly due to the amount of time I am focusing on these things.  How can we guide them when our devotion to Father suffers?  The boys have had great revelations this week.  They are loosely fasting and don't entirely understand the purpose of it but that is OK.  They are seeing change in their parents, they are being fed more meat of God's Word and they are reaping the benefits of our sacrifice. 

Our Littlest One Praying

Last night a young 7th grader spoke of his struggles, both personally and within his family.  His cry was loud and piercing straight to the heart of everyone in the room.   Josh and I left feeling humbled.  I'm not sure humbled is even strong enough a word.  You don't realize how selfish you have become until God puts a child is front of you who's life is so broken that only our Redeemer can restore him to life again.

Father, help us to sacrifice more so that we may gain more of You.  Guide our words, thoughts and actions so that WE can cast out every selfish desire the minute it enters our mind and that YOU would take our lives captive for Your glory.

7: an experimental mutiny against excess

If you want an overview of the book "7" , I highly encourage you to check out the trailer.  I'm just going to jump right into why I wanted our family to join this adventure of removing junk in our lives and redirecting our focus.

Last year I went to Peru on a mission trip that God had laid on my heart two years prior.  During that time He spoke volumes to me about waste and the "American Dream" in relation to His dream for us.  His desire for simplicity in our lives has been replaced with so many things other than eternal reward. Nearly a year later, I still haven't figured out how to take hold of this problem.  A problem of expectation, addiction, worldly desire, lust for a menagerie of things.  This problem is seeping into our children and we know our time to impact them is so limited.

For the purpose of this series of fasts, Josh and I will adhere to guidelines we formed from the examples given in "7".  The kids will not abide by the same criteria.  However, we are setting a standard for the family with an expectation that they will loosely participate. 

Month 1 - Food

We LOVE food.  I realize this is only the first of seven months of living with less but I truly believe this could be the most painful for me.  I'm reminded of our two-week Daniel Fast last year and nearly faint.  Not only do I love eating food but I love making food.  I love baking.  I love the smells.  I love the tastes.  I don't like how much my waist has grown in the last year but that's neither here nor there.  

We couldn't settle for 7 foods so we narrowed down to 10.  The 10 foods for the month of May include:

Chicken

Venison

Whole Grains

Spinach

Avocado

Sweet Potatoes

Peanut butter

Eggs

Oranges

Apples

..... as a bonus I included coffee in the 9th hour (of the morning of the 1st day) and declared it "necessary to my quiet time with God".  My mutiny against excess, my rules.  Don't judge.  

Day 1: The kids actually asked that I replace their cereal with eggs because, "they smell sooooooooo yummy!"  I had an avocado and spinach salad for an afternoon snack and I can honestly say that I don't foresee avocado growing on me, even in my desperation.  Once the coffee joined the party, the Holy Spirit was invited and it was good.  I started studying Nehemiah today.  Lord, tear down my walls and build new ones that glorify You!

"You sit on a throne of lies..."

As of late you can hear a variety of quotes being said in our home from scripture to favorite Christmas movies.  This quote from Elf strikes my heart every time, and not in the way of laughter, because I know I've been sitting on a throne of lies.  I've been seeking a greater understanding on the difference of salvation by works (which isn't possible though some believe it to be) and salvation by faith (the only Way of eternal glory), and in that journey I've become the Judge on the Throne of Lies.

Galatians 2:19-21 (MSG)
^19-21What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

The Lord stretched me this year to get out of my comfort zone and boy did I!  He pursued the depths of my heart and I pursued Him.  He revealed to me my unrighteousness and replaced nuggets of head knowledge for heart knowledge, and somewhere along the journey the father of lies used it against me.  I turned from trying to discover the areas of my life that needed to change to trying to change the lives of others... and not in a good way. 

Galatians 1:10 (NASB)
¹⁰ For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.

Truth:  We are to obey the Word of God - all of it!

Lie:      If in that quest we begin to seek the approval of the church and follow law, we have lost the meaning of God's grace and sanctification in Christ.

Truth:  There is a difference in head knowledge and heart knowledge.

Lie:      It's your responsibility to discover which knowledge someone else has.

Truth:  We are to build up our brethren in the Word, in prayer and in life.

Lie:      It's your responsibility to determine the areas of their life that require change.

Truth:  We are called to be the church.  To attend, to worship together, to pray together, to serve others, to work, to fight for the Truth, to share the gospel.

Lie:      It's your responsibility to decipher what someone else should be doing and not doing within the church.

So, here I sit as the Judge on the Throne of Lies. It started with Paul.  I LOVE Paul.  He perverted the Truth and then proclaimed it.  He was persecuted and became victorious.  He spoke God's promise and was not afraid of repercussion.  He abandoned everything for Christ!  I want to be Paul.  We're all supposed to be Paul!  I'm such a failure.  This has been my state of mind for sometime... failure.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not just working and serving.  I'm seeking and loving Father for who He is and doing what He calls but I'm also comparing myself to others and consistently feeling like I'm falling short.

Last night I went hunting.  In the quiet stillness I began to converse with God as I often do.  I was looking at the brown grass, leaves, barren trees.  I was freezing and uncomfortable.  I could be doing so many other things at that moment.  Things for Him.  Instead I'm in a field, in total silence, unproductive.  Just then a cardinal perched himself in a cedar across the field.  I was in awe of the vibrantly colored red bird against the gloomy green cedar.  God put that beauty right there, right then, for me.  He said to me, "I love you, Heather.  I love you because you are Heather, not Paul.  I have a plan for you and it is only My right to know it and only your right to discover it.  I want to show you things and grow in you and if you are trying to live up to someone else's life, anyone's life, then you are falling short of who I am calling you to be.  I made you my child.  I made you a wife.  I made you a mother.  Trust me.  Live for My plan FOR YOU."

Galatians 5:25-26 (NLT)
²⁵ Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in following law that I forget that God speaks to us individually.  I criticize others for their love of sports, music, dance, hunting, anything other than complete, total abandonment of everything but Christ.  I think part of this is jealousy, how I would LOVE to be a great speaker, dancer, writer!  And then it hits me...  If God gave us gifts, aren't we use them?  To glorify Him with them?  To enjoy this life just as He designed it for us?  Just because something isn't ministry oriented on the surface, doesn't mean it's not of God!  I can't play football at all but that doesn't mean that God doesn't speak to someone else through the game - hello, Tim Tebow!  http://www.youthministry.com/articles/culture/would-jesus-have-tebowed

I'm not saying a fleshly life is acceptable in the eyes of our Lord.  I'm not condoning a life of worldly pleasures.

Galatians 5:16-23 (CEV)
¹⁶If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires. ¹⁷The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should. ¹⁸But if you obey the Spirit, the Law of Moses has no control over you.
¹⁹People's desires make them give in to immoral ways, filthy thoughts, and shameful deeds. ²⁰They worship idols, practice witchcraft, hate others, and are hard to get along with. People become jealous, angry, and selfish. They not only argue and cause trouble, but they are ²¹envious. They get drunk, carry on at wild parties, and do other evil things as well. I told you before, and I am telling you again: No one who does these things will share in the blessings of God's kingdom.
²²God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, ²³gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways.

Let's not distort the Truth embedded here.  There is pleasure in life that is not selfish that comes from the Spirit and we should not feel guilty about that.  Moreover, we cannot judge others pleasures according to what God speaks to our heart!  God spoke to me more in the wilderness during three hours last night than He has in the last month of Sunday morning worship.  That doesn't mean that the Pastor isn't doing his job, it means that God needed to speak to me in a time and place that He designed - His terms, not mine!

I will no longer feel like a failure because I don't live up to the pedestal I've put Paul on.  I'll serve in the church and I'll serve my family  I'll be a foreign missionary for Christ and one inside my home. I'll deny myself and live for Him.  I'll sacrifice for Him emotionally, physically, financially AND I'll enjoy the pleasures in life that He gave me because that's why He gave them to me, for me.

The time has come for us to examine ourselves, not each other.  To share the gospel by allowing God's light to shine through our lives in everything we do, not just abiding by law.  To serve one another without strings attached or judgment for those that aren't doing what we are called to do.  To live a life led by the Spirit. 

In the quest to seek His righteousness in your life, have you started seeking approval of man?  Perhaps you are sitting as the Judge on the Throne of Lies, seeking to uncover what you believe are the sins of your brethren? 

Galatians 6:9-16 (MSG)
^9-10So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.
^11-13Now, in these last sentences, I want to emphasize in the bold scrawls of my personal handwriting the immense importance of what I have written to you. These people who are attempting to force the ways of circumcision on you have only one motive: They want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ's suffering and death. All their talk about the law is gas. They themselves don't keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe. They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible!
^14-16For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can't you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them!

Does your Bible get lost Friday - Sunday?

A good portion of people start out as infants in church Wednesday and Sunday, and those are the two primary days for Bible reading.  Then as we get closer to the Lord, we throw in a few extra readings on the weekends when we "have time".  As our relationship progresses and we see a real NEED for the Word, it becomes a part of our daily routine, typically being picked up first thing in the morning (which I recommend - more on that later) or right before bed.  However, we suddenly become "too busy" on the weekends.  Isn't that just the way Satan works?  In every step of our walk with the Lord, there he is, "the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour [1 Peter 5:8]."  Often the scheming father of lies is quite successful in deterring us from the Word and luring us into his den.  A den full of seeds of doubt, discouragement, frustration and everything else unholy.  You know how much better your day is going to go when you're walking hand in hand with the Father! 

So, I've complied a list of the Top Five Ways to Avoid Bible Avoidance.  Here ya go..

5. Put your Bible where you, and everyone else, will see it and don't shut it!  There's something inviting about an open book.  It's enticing!  Each time you see it you remember  a little of what you read last and it makes you wonder what's going to happen next.  Even if you've read it, there's still an element of excitement in moving onto the next chapter.  If walking by the Good Book isn't enough to spark your interest then I'm certain the Holy Spirit will put a tugging on your heart and draw you into His Word... if you allow Him.

4. Pick a new plan.  If the plan you are reading has you in a rut, find something new.  You may need to go back and read your favorite book of the Bible and take a break from your daily plan.  There's no need to continue forcing yourself to read God's Word when there are so many aides to help you understand and LOVE it!

3. Enlist in accountability partner.  This is a tough one.  I'm accountability partners with a few women and it's hard to touch base everyday.  Realize that holding each other accountable may mean a once a week touch base or more or less often.  The point is just to have someone who is saying, "How many times have you read the Word in the last X days?... What did you take from it? ... How is God speaking to you?" 

2. Don't do it alone.  If you are in a family of believers then let them know how important this is to you.  Ask if you can have family quiet time together each morning.  If this isn't possible during the week, see if you can do it on the weekends.  By making it a priority as a family you will be holding each other accountable (see #3) and your relationship with each other, AND the Lord, will flourish!  If you are the only believer in your home, you can set an example to others.  As they see your dedication to the Word, they will begin to wonder about your God and why the Word is so important to you.  You'll be planting seeds my friend, and that's a beautiful thing.

1. Don't eat food until you've consumed the Word of God!  Matthew 4:4 “It is written, ‘ MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.’" This subject alone could hold a laundry list of all the reasons why the Word should be read first thing in the morning.  To keep it short, consuming God's Word first thing gives you scripture to meditate on all day and shows Father your utmost respect by putting Him above all else.

Of course, this is purely my opinion and I hold no judgment if you want to read your Bible morning, noon or night.  Shoot, I hope you're reading it throughout your day and not just once a day!  Know that I'm human, too, and while these are things I do to try to keep our family in the Word each morning, we all fail.  We all have dry seasons and times when we don't pick up the Word OR we do and it's purely because we know we're supposed to even though the want isn't there.  

2 Peter 3:17-18 You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, be on your guard so that you are not carried away by the error of unprincipled men and fall from your own steadfastness, but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

Happily His,

HJ

Peru Mission Trip: Day 13 and beyond

It's been just over a month since I came home from Peru.  While I've thought of my Peruvian friends often, today has drawn my heart even closer into examination over what happened when I was there....

The travel home is particularly challenging for me emotionally.  God has worked my heart over 10-fold and as I ponder on the wonders he has done in me and for me this trip, I also realize with great certainty that life at home will be even more difficult than before.  Even though I'm quite well at recognizing a spiritual attack and often equipped for combat, something in me says that the war at home will be unlike what I've experienced before.  Now, I have to maintain this dedication to the Lord, seek harder to find those to share the gospel with, understand that my family has not seen what I have seen nor heard what I have heard.  I have to experience American life without giving in to the selfishness, entitlement and pride that once so consumed my heart.  I cry to Father.  I find myself almost in a pre-repentance state.  Father, do not let me falter!  Do not let me be sucked into my old ways!  Continue to consume me like a fire so strong, so high, so wide that it cannot be extinguished!  In the midst of daily life, do not let me lose sight of changes you have made in my heart.  Don't let fall...again....

Guess what?  I fell.  I've found myself going 2-3 days straight without being in the Word.  Then I have a day of repentance, dive face first into His law, and a week or so will pass and I do it again.  Those same sins that I wrestled with Satan over?  Still here.  Over the last year, there are three areas of my life in which I have been weeping, pouring, begging, and pleading with the Lord for a miracle.  I have been obedient!  I've been faithful!  I HAVE faith that He can tell these mountains to move!  I have cast them into the sea myself!  And still... they stay, and HE is silent.  While I continue to see him work through acts of others, that Still Small Voice has faded to the most distant of whispers and I struggle daily with the never ending silence from the One that brought me into deliverance. 

I do find myself being more bold than before.  There are three people in particular that Josh and I have been trying to reach with the Gospel and I see us using less and less fluff with them and really getting into the heart of what it means to follow Christ.  Still... no fruit.  Still... silence.

These are the things He told me about on my way back home.  I'm no longer in a bubble of protection.  I no longer have the silence I grew to love so much as He consumed me in Peru.  I can't sit with him whenever I please.  I can't go, do, and be in the streets all day, everyday, proclaiming the Love He brings.  I have to go, do and be for three children and a husband.  I have to find a way to deny myself, not only in taking up my cross for Him, but for all those who depend on me.  I have to be a rock in this storm and teach my children about all the facets of loving and fearing our Lord.

I know I'm in a valley and what I do in this season is going to change how I handle the next.  And I'm so thankful that this, friends, is just a season!  I can wake up everyday knowing that He still gives me grace.  He still lavishes me with love.  He still holds me while I weep and offers me comfort.  Even though I feel as though I'm sitting in silence with the only One I want to hear from, I still know He Is There.  This is the Power in Christ Jesus.  Life as a follower of Christ is not a constant state of glam and glory, never doing wrong, and achieving perfection and maintaining it.  Life as a follower of Christ is messy!  It's exhausting.  It's beautiful.  It's satisfying.  I know that despite my faults, Jesus Christ died so that I may live.  Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us that, "For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." 

We complicate the simplicity of our relationship with Him.  We are saved.  We have eternal life with Him.  It does not require works.  It does not require perfection.  He loves you!  Even in the seasons of silence when it seems that He is so far away because His voice is but a distant whisper... we can rest in the arms of the Lover of our soul knowing that He is STILL here.

Peru Mission Trip: Days 11 & 12

As the planned ministry is on the decline, I find myself extremely ready to be home.  I fight to continue to remember that we still have tracts, we still have The Word, we still have a Story to tell.  I tried to make the most out of every opportunity but, admittedly, I'm so ready to see my family.

We toured the Chan Chan Ruins near Trujillo.  The intricate detail they put into the designs is amazing!

We visted the ocean, which I have seen before, but today it was if the Lord was giving me a gift in allowing me to see it.  So often I see something, think it's beautiful, and then completely dismiss it.  I know I need to take more time to allow Father to amaze me with these beautiful gifts... enjoying His sunset, hugging His children, loving my gift of a husband, and sitting at Father's feet just SOAKING HIM UP!

We also went to the Indian Market in Lima.  I bought too much stuff but only one thing was for myself so I'm not gonna sweat it.  

I continue to spend much time meditating on the Word, His teachings, and in prayer.  A new friend and I got quite the chuckle realizing that we were both very nervous about how we would get along and in the end we were nearly inseparable.  I had the same fears about going with a team that had six teenagers and lo and behold, I fell in love with their awesomeness!  Isn't that how God works?  We think something or do something in our own power and He swoops in and says, "Hey there!  You remember I'm in charge, right?" 

Peru Mission Trip: Day Ten

Last day of planned ministry and it's so bittersweet. 

I continue to be moved at how much these people love each other.  I always find myself surrounded by hugs and kisses and constant physical contact.  They work together in all that they do.  They don't know much about the Bible but they understand exactly what it means to love one another.

God has spoken much to me in this journey.  I think about how many times in God's Word that He spoken to someone on a mountain.  I realize that sometimes we just have to isolate ourselves from all the other noises and voices in order to exalt the voice of the Only One that can guide our lives.  This will take some talent back home.

Luke 14:11 - For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

I'm learning that life isn't about me.  An elementary concept I know.  God has shown me that I am selfish and prideful.  Yet another area in my life needing an overhaul.  Selfishness and Pride are two characteristics that we often don't admit and I believe it is because we can't see through our own "Rose Colored Glasses" to see the real us.  If we aren't first transparent with ourselves, how will we ever be transparent with others?

Luke 14:26 - "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison--your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple..."

Father has shown me that I should fear Him, exalt Him, have reverence for Him.  I always knew I was a Martha but now I realize that through prayer, He can balance my inner Martha out with a hefty dose of Mary. 

Luke 14:33-34 - 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. 34“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one.  It's such an easy thought, ask God what He wants you to do.  I heard You, I responded, I came, I sought, I learned, I loved, I grew, I broke, I grew some more.  What's next?  Am I ready for what's next?  Are You sure?

Luke 15:4-7 - 4“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

God rejoices over the one.  Do not lose heart.  One person can lead one person to Christ.  That one person can be a witness to one more person.  That person can tell one more.  It's impossible to count how many people will come to the Lord through a single salvation.  Even more importantly, it's really none of our business.  If we are counting, and keeping track, and pondering on it, and being bothered by it, we aren't giving it to the Lord.  He's not getting the glory.  Father certainly isn't working in us. 

It's time to lose track!  Stop counting!  Stop contemplating!  Stop being consumed by the unknown.  Do you hear me, Heather?  Father is asking for one thing... complete surrender.  Are YOU up for the challenge?